Breakthrough!!

I finally hit a wall! I realized that I would never lose weight if I didn't get my eating under control. So, I have managed to log my food on MyFitnessPal for week. I have lost 1.6 lbs! And it was really only the first 3 days that were the hardest. I actually find myself less focused on food now that I am tracking. I think I was just out of control before and now I have this sense of control that feels good. I don't feel as hungry either. I am eating far less sugar and haven't even opted to spend my calories on wine! My stress even seems more manageable. I think that it is working because I am not doing the standard 1200 calorie diet. I calculated the actual number of calories my body needs right now and I am at 1380. That extra 180 calories is enough to make me feel less deprived which is what I need. I just hope that I can stay this focused. I am excited to get rid of the virus I have now had for over 3 weeks so that I can start my semi private training at the gym. I miss working out. I will up my calorie intake a bit at that point too.

So far so good! I am making it work! If I could even lose 10lbs I would be thrilled at this point. My reward will be a new pair of spring pants:) I hardly fit into any of my clothes right now:(

Oh, and FYI, the mirrors at Old Navy are HIGHLY motivating when it comes to weight loss... They do not lie:(

I did it!

I stayed under my calorie goal and it wasn't so bad! Except that it may be harder tomorrow. We will see... I had two epiphanies today that seemed to help:

1. It is ok to feel a little hungry! I think I got into the habit of eating every time I felt the slightest bit of hunger. (Or stress, boredom, etc.). I am not letting myself get so hungry I could eat my hand, but a little hunger is fine.

 2. According to my BMI, I am .5 points over normal which makes me OFFICIALLY OVERWEIGHT!!! This does NOT sit well with me! I am better than that. I can't believe I let myself get to this point:( why can't I maintain my health for ME??? Why am I so good at maintaining it for others? Shouldn't I love myself as much as I love THEM? I was able to restrict food so well while breastfeeding when my daughter was allergic to everything.

Also, I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the window when I took the kids to the library and I looked sooo FAT! My arms, always my best feature, are HUGE!!!

More later... I need to go to bed. Sleep really affects my mood which could in turn affect my eating tomorrow...

This is harder than I thought:(

Back again. Got a little sidetracked. The new year started with such unbelievably sad news. One of my good friends from college lost her husband in a car accident. I still can't believe that this could happen to someone as sweet as my friend. It was one of those times where I just knew I needed to fly home to hug her. Nothing else would do. I took the kids (fun) and we flew back to where my parents live and stayed with them. My dad and I drove in a blizzard to the funeral. I have never cried so much at a funeral. It was a difficult week. We were at least able to see my parents and brother and a few friends. We had to eat lunch and dinner out every day because my parents were in the middle of a remodel so we had no kitchen or laundry. Surprisingly I cam back weighing only a pound more. I think that this is because we weren't able to spend time snacking (since we couldn't get into the kitchen!). After I came home I was highly motivated to get back to the gym. I went to walk on the treadmill. I did 2.99 miles at 3.7 at 4% incline, which felt great mentally however it proved to be too much for my previously broken toe (from October!!!). The podiatrist feels that I may have torn ligaments based on the way I fell. The bone at the base of my big toe is swollen and I am scheduled for an MRI tomorrow afternoon. I should know something by Wednesday when I see the podiatrist again. I hope.

In the meantime I have felt horrible and bloated and gassy and I get nauseous every time I eat. Not sure if it is some sort of intestinal bug or what. Started to feel better last night and am less bloated today. My system has been off for a couple months now, which I am not used to.

Oh, and I hit 153 lbs!!!! W.T.F.

I can't figure out why I am so much less motivated than I was in my 20s and 30s. Maybe it is because I am tired and have toddlers and work outside the home. Maybe I am getting old. Maybe I am more content in some ways now and don't rely as heavily on my physical appearance? I don't know. I just know that I struggle with food right now and I hate that:(

Roadblocks:
1. Broken toe
2. Lack of a regular schedule
3. Lack of meal planning skills
4. Lack of calorie counting skills, even with MyFitnessPal.
5. Lack of a plan.
6. Poor sleep habits.
7. Love of all things chocolate.
8. Love of all things wine.

This post is more of a ramble. If anyone out there who stumbles across this blog has any helpful tips, please share!!! Clearly I need help. This was soooooo much easier way back when!!

I did buy Jillian Michaels 30-day shred for beginners. Also found some exercises in Prevention magazine and bought exercise bands so I can do them. I need to put workouts on my schedule like I did way back when and figure out a reward for myself.

Oh, I have been trying to lift hand weights during bath time when the kids can help me count. Please tell me that I can be thin again!!

For now, I need to get my foot figured out. I will try at least one workout this weekend. I may even try yoga on Saturday if I can. We shall see...

M