Some progress!

I have now been working out consistently at least 3-4 days every week for 3 months! Nice to be a gym rat again!! I had my measurements taken and had lost 2.5lbs, but gained a few pounds of muscle. I lost 6lbs of fat and a total of 4 inches (2 from my waist!) overall!! Yay! So I lost 3.5% body fat which is on the lower end for working out but I wasn't doing a lot of cardio. I stepped that up this week and tweaked my diet via myfitness pal actually was down to 150lbs this morning!! I definitely look more toned so I am heading in the right direction. I am feeling more motivated lately so that is helping. I am in this for the long haul so I don't see an end point per se. Just want to be consistent and hope that I lose more body fat. That is more my goal. Weight loss would be a nice perk though!! My next hurdle will be a 15-day trip to WI!! Yikes. I plan to bring along some stretchy cables and maybe an exercise video and then try to walk a lot since the weather should be nice there. It was 116 here yesterday so outdoor exercise was not a great option!

Will post more hopefully soon. Oh, I almost forgot! The gym is getting rid of semi private personal training!!!!! So disappointed. I was really enjoying the training. I will have to start going to the muscle class that is similar to strength/cardio classes i have taken in the past. We will see how it goes. Off to bed before my stomach starts grumbling...

I can do this!

Holy motivation, Batman!

Yes, getting on the scale and seeing the same number you saw the day BEFORE you gave birth to your first child is HIGHLY, HIGHLY, HIGHLY motivating!!! I went straight to the gym and signed up immediately for semi-private personal training and started that evening. I had been wanting to give myself another week to get rid of virus but figured I should just get started. My broken toe is still healing so I can't do lunges yet but can pretty much do everything else.

I feel a bit out of place and while it feels like I have never worked out before it also feels like home. I used to be more of a gym rat attending classes, doing free weights and cardio 3-5 days a week and I am hoping I can get back to that level at some point. I love lifting weights. I am still not a fan of cardio, probably never will be but at my age it will be necessary.

I am working on my diet still. A work in progress for sure. Going to the gym helps because I am more likely to want to grab a healthy treat than something  unhealthy afterwards. I am also logging everything I eat on a website through the gym.  Paying for these services is also motivating!! I am not expecting quick results. You really get in shape over time. That is how it happened for me when I first started doing the whole gym thing. It really is something I look forward to now for stress relief. I think the diet will be my biggest challenge by far. That and not getting sick.

At least I feel like I am putting forth good effort now rather than sitting on the couch snacking and being lazy. I am also adding yoga to my mix since my stress levels are different now. I can't really compare the stress of infertility with anything else. I guess the day to day workload is what causes the  stress now, whereas before I had some days that were really good where I was able to take advantage of not having children. I most certainly would not trade my two favorite little people for anything, I just need to change my workouts to work for me.

I am doing it!

Breakthrough!!

I finally hit a wall! I realized that I would never lose weight if I didn't get my eating under control. So, I have managed to log my food on MyFitnessPal for week. I have lost 1.6 lbs! And it was really only the first 3 days that were the hardest. I actually find myself less focused on food now that I am tracking. I think I was just out of control before and now I have this sense of control that feels good. I don't feel as hungry either. I am eating far less sugar and haven't even opted to spend my calories on wine! My stress even seems more manageable. I think that it is working because I am not doing the standard 1200 calorie diet. I calculated the actual number of calories my body needs right now and I am at 1380. That extra 180 calories is enough to make me feel less deprived which is what I need. I just hope that I can stay this focused. I am excited to get rid of the virus I have now had for over 3 weeks so that I can start my semi private training at the gym. I miss working out. I will up my calorie intake a bit at that point too.

So far so good! I am making it work! If I could even lose 10lbs I would be thrilled at this point. My reward will be a new pair of spring pants:) I hardly fit into any of my clothes right now:(

Oh, and FYI, the mirrors at Old Navy are HIGHLY motivating when it comes to weight loss... They do not lie:(

I did it!

I stayed under my calorie goal and it wasn't so bad! Except that it may be harder tomorrow. We will see... I had two epiphanies today that seemed to help:

1. It is ok to feel a little hungry! I think I got into the habit of eating every time I felt the slightest bit of hunger. (Or stress, boredom, etc.). I am not letting myself get so hungry I could eat my hand, but a little hunger is fine.

 2. According to my BMI, I am .5 points over normal which makes me OFFICIALLY OVERWEIGHT!!! This does NOT sit well with me! I am better than that. I can't believe I let myself get to this point:( why can't I maintain my health for ME??? Why am I so good at maintaining it for others? Shouldn't I love myself as much as I love THEM? I was able to restrict food so well while breastfeeding when my daughter was allergic to everything.

Also, I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the window when I took the kids to the library and I looked sooo FAT! My arms, always my best feature, are HUGE!!!

More later... I need to go to bed. Sleep really affects my mood which could in turn affect my eating tomorrow...

This is harder than I thought:(

Back again. Got a little sidetracked. The new year started with such unbelievably sad news. One of my good friends from college lost her husband in a car accident. I still can't believe that this could happen to someone as sweet as my friend. It was one of those times where I just knew I needed to fly home to hug her. Nothing else would do. I took the kids (fun) and we flew back to where my parents live and stayed with them. My dad and I drove in a blizzard to the funeral. I have never cried so much at a funeral. It was a difficult week. We were at least able to see my parents and brother and a few friends. We had to eat lunch and dinner out every day because my parents were in the middle of a remodel so we had no kitchen or laundry. Surprisingly I cam back weighing only a pound more. I think that this is because we weren't able to spend time snacking (since we couldn't get into the kitchen!). After I came home I was highly motivated to get back to the gym. I went to walk on the treadmill. I did 2.99 miles at 3.7 at 4% incline, which felt great mentally however it proved to be too much for my previously broken toe (from October!!!). The podiatrist feels that I may have torn ligaments based on the way I fell. The bone at the base of my big toe is swollen and I am scheduled for an MRI tomorrow afternoon. I should know something by Wednesday when I see the podiatrist again. I hope.

In the meantime I have felt horrible and bloated and gassy and I get nauseous every time I eat. Not sure if it is some sort of intestinal bug or what. Started to feel better last night and am less bloated today. My system has been off for a couple months now, which I am not used to.

Oh, and I hit 153 lbs!!!! W.T.F.

I can't figure out why I am so much less motivated than I was in my 20s and 30s. Maybe it is because I am tired and have toddlers and work outside the home. Maybe I am getting old. Maybe I am more content in some ways now and don't rely as heavily on my physical appearance? I don't know. I just know that I struggle with food right now and I hate that:(

Roadblocks:
1. Broken toe
2. Lack of a regular schedule
3. Lack of meal planning skills
4. Lack of calorie counting skills, even with MyFitnessPal.
5. Lack of a plan.
6. Poor sleep habits.
7. Love of all things chocolate.
8. Love of all things wine.

This post is more of a ramble. If anyone out there who stumbles across this blog has any helpful tips, please share!!! Clearly I need help. This was soooooo much easier way back when!!

I did buy Jillian Michaels 30-day shred for beginners. Also found some exercises in Prevention magazine and bought exercise bands so I can do them. I need to put workouts on my schedule like I did way back when and figure out a reward for myself.

Oh, I have been trying to lift hand weights during bath time when the kids can help me count. Please tell me that I can be thin again!!

For now, I need to get my foot figured out. I will try at least one workout this weekend. I may even try yoga on Saturday if I can. We shall see...

M

Eating for no good reason

Actually, I am currently in the process of trying NOT to eat for no good reason (is that a double negative??).  I did pretty well today but had quite a bit of sushi for dinner. No wine tonight- I decided to pour diet cream soda in a wine glass. I swear it is the act of holding the wine glass that is most comforting sometimes. Not even the actual wine! So I made it through that and even went to my first regular flow yoga class (vs. the restorative yoga) after my broken toe incident back in October, but now I face the real challenge. I ate a solid dinner (sushi) so I am not hungry but really want a bag of skinny pop popcorn. FOR NO GOOD REASON! And maybe some chocolate chips. Again, FOR NO GOOD REASON.

I bought a book called, "50 ways to soothe yourself without food" and have started to read it. Great so far. I am now aware that any emotional eating I do can affect my children and their long term eating habits. Ugh. All the more reason to figure this out. I need to be a good model for them.

2015 is going to be MY year. I need to focus more on me so that I can be a better mom to my kids. I need to model healthier choices. I have a good feeling about 2015, but hopefully that won't change. I remember having a bad/unsettling feeling on New Year's Eve about 2006. I should have known it was going to be a very difficult year. My cat was diagnosed with terminal cancer in February. I lost my kitty soulmate and my grandma within weeks of each other in March/April, then I got pregnant for the very first time in over two years of trying only to find out a week later that I was going to miscarry. A devastating loss. That was July. I was pregnant naturally by some miracle the following month but lost that baby at ~ 7 weeks after much concern about an ectopic pregnancy. A month later I started having horrible anxiety attacks and then found out I had uterine polyps and would need to have surgery to remove them. So I ended the year with a laparoscopy a few days before Xmas. It was one of those years you couldn't wait to say goodbye to. I know there could be other years like that and I dread them. I am just hoping for positive changes in 2015.

Oh, and I was 151.3 lbs this morning. The right direction...

If I don't get a chance to write tomorrow. My wish for anyone and everyone is a happy and healthy new year!!!

A rocky start

Soooo, here I am. I weighed 152.0lbs at midday today. I gained 2lbs over Christmas. I didn't meet any of the short term goals I attempted. And if I am going to be honest, I barely made an attempt:( I don't want to blame my kids, but in all fairness, weight loss is much harder when you have them. Particularly of the toddler variety. Two of them, actually. 16 months apart. This certainly is not baby weight that I am carrying. I wish I could say it was, but no, this is all mine. When I stopped nursing I was suddenly able to eat whatevs I wanted again and between that extra food and not burning the extra 600 calories a day nursing it was a nightmare. I knew it would happen and should have prepared for that but alas, I did not. I try not to get to wrapped up in past events and feel it is not good to beat myself up for too long about them. So now I need to figure out how to get my body back. I just hope it is not too late:( I once gained a ton of weight in college but lost it all when I moved to AZ on my own. The pounds just melted off. I was busy with my new life and I was taking advantage of the year round outdoor activities such as hiking, biking, rollerblading etc., so I know I am capable of losing this weight. I just have different obstacles now. My life is so unbelievably different now it is unrecognizable! Not necessarily in a bad way. Just different. I focused on my health so much when I was trying to get pregnant. Now I am not motivated by the same reasons. I need to figure out my new motivation. Sorry to ramble, I am just trying to work through this writing. Please bear with me!

My new motivation needs to be for me. One of my biggest motivators right now is wanting to see my children grow up. In all honesty, I want to see how they turn out!! I want to be there to guide them through the difficulties in life. Life is so hard. So I suppose that motivation is for me AND them. I want to be able to enjoy my later years (oh my god I feel old as I write that!). I never thought about my older years before. Good health is just so important. It can make all the difference. I realize that diet can be the biggest part of health. I learned that lesson during my 7 year battle with infertility.  I need to make time to eat healthy. It is so hard to feed picky toddlers while trying to cook healthy for yourself, but I need to work on that.

I think I get so overwhelmed with where to start that I don't start at all. I am paralyzed. My brain has ideas but it can't seem to get the message to the rest of my body. I will need to research starting points but I have heard that making small changes can have big effects.

This post in its disjointedness really conveys where I am at with all of this: LOST.

I will start again by doing weigh ins. This time I will make my goals even more short term. My goal for tomorrow will be to track at least some of what I eat. My goal for the next 2 weeks will be to attend one strength training class and/or 2 yoga classes. (I have gone to yoga 1x/week for the past two weeks already so 2 would be an improvement). I really miss my weight classes. I used to be so toned:( I want my muscle back so badly!!!

So anyway, I will try to write more and will start tracking some calories and adding a class at the gym. Any other ideas would gladly be accepted. Would love to hear that someone is reading this- it would increase my accountability!