Here I am. After surviving a horrific journey through infertility I am the lucky mom to not just one, but (miraculously) TWO little ones. This was no small feat and I will always carry the scars of that time with me. Interestingly, even though I was very anxious and depressed during that time I really focused on taking care of myself and doing everything in my power to stay sane. I treated myself with such care. I worked out regularly, ate healthy, got massages etc. Now, I am so busy I put myself pretty much last. This needs to change and that is why I am starting this blog. I need to focus and feel more accountable and I think that writing in this space will help me. Every time I have been through a rough patch writing has saved me. While this is not a major rough patch, it is a rough patch nonetheless. I am at my highest weight since college and I don't want the number on the scale to go higher. I am in the worst shape I have ever been in.
Does anyone else see the irony in the date of this post?? Yes, it is Thanksgiving. The day of the year we eat. A lot. While I could just say "screw it, the holiday season is no time to start eating healthy," I am trying to live in the moment. Things could be pretty bad by January at the rate I am going so I think there is no better time than the present.
I am not sure if it is my age (42), getting the official diagnosis of Hashimoto's or the fact that I want to be around to see how my kids turn out!! I think it is likely a combination of all three. I have gained 30 lbs in the past year. That might be it!
I was at my smallest, albeit not healthiest, when breast feeding my daughter a year ago. She had major food allergies. I could basically only eat quinoa and asparagus with safflower oil. I lost all of the baby weight and then some. It was great! When I decided to stop breast feeding last November, it was hard because I was finally able to eat everything I loved again. The first 20lbs came on within a couple of months. The last 10 have been more gradual. You know that number on the scale that is THE number? Yes, the one that you are scared to go over, the point of no return. That one. I have stayed at that number for a few weeks, dangerously flirting with one tenth of a number over and it freaks me out!
I need a plan. I don't know much about how to make that plan but I am going to do SOMETHING. I have to. It will have to be a multiple step plan.
STEP 1: Acknowledge that I am over my normal weight by a good 15-20 pounds (I didn't really need to lose that last 10 while nursing-I looked emaciated which is not the look I am going for) and acknowledge that what I am currently doing is NOT working.
STEP 2: List out what I should doing-areas to target-not all at once. Here goes (not in order of importance)
1. Eat smaller portions
2. Eat less sugar
3. Do more yoga
4. Start weight training again
5. Drink more water
6. Take vitamins
7. Consult with hematologist re: MTHFR gene mutation and my super high homocysteine levels
8. Get more sleep
9. Decrease time spent on Internet (with the exception of this blog)
10. Find more work-life balance
11. Decrease stress levels
Clearly losing weight is not just about eating less. There are so many factors involved (sleep, stress etc). So I guess I will be writing about some of that.
So, where do I start??? Sometimes the sheer magnitude of the work to be done paralyzes me.
I will start by weighing myself first thing tomorrow and posting results. Yes, the day after Thanksgiving!! Ack. Who DOES that.. I should probably take some measurements too. Can't know where you are going until you know where you are...
I will have to have one long term goal along with several short term goals. I am a speech language pathologist so I am familiar with writing long and short term goals. We don't actually specify long term goals any more. We write the goal and then work toward that in baby steps. I will need to break this down similarly.
I can do this.
See you tomorrow with my first official weigh in. At that time I will write some specific goals.
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